You might be surprised to learn that is far more common than most people think. Our pets are part of the family and in most cases they are considered our babies.
This is AWESOME and for the most part wonderful… But I must say that you do need to have boundaries set in place and please set these boundaries right from the start as soon as you get your pet. But if you’re reading this and it’s already an issue, never fear the solution is here and please know you are not alone. Many pet parents are dealing with this challenge behind closed doors and no one is talking about it.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about admitting this is happening in your home. There is no judgement and you are not a bad pet parent for feeling that you don’t know what to do. Quite the contrary you probably love your fur baby like you’ve birthed them. But just like any human child they have to be taught what is accepttble and what is not. Boundaries are a good for everyone.
We here at Ask Daniele 4 Pets are more than happy to be your go to problem solver for whatever pet challenge you may be facing.
Now having said that see if any of the below challenges are happening in your home.
Problem #1: Your Partner Pays More Attention to Your Pet Than to You
This is by far the most common complaint I get from my clients. I hear things like, “She spends or He spends all evening cuddling the cat or dog but says they are too tired to spend any time with me” and ” I’m told I’m being ‘mean’ if I ask to put the dog in the kennel so we can be alone.” Pets are adorable, and are easier to dote upon than their more emotionally complex owners. But feeling like you’re lower on the totem pole than your animal stings, socks and can start one feeling resentful.
The Solution
It’s important to talk… COMMUNICATE to your partner about the role that your pet plays in your household. Share the specific ways that your partner’s relationship with your pet is hurting your feelings, and talk about how you can make each other feel like the priority. Simple things, like greeting each other before saying hi to your pet, or doing activities together without your furry friend, can go a long way. Make sure to approach this subject with diplomacy not a bad attitude or defensive tone so your partner will be open to what you have to say.
Problem #2: You Can’t Get Alone Time EVER.
It’s hard to get alone time away from a creature that can’t walk over to it’s friends house for a few hours, and doesn’t understand what a sock on the doorknob means. Lots of couples spend all of their time together also being shadowed by their pet. Spontaneity with a pet in the house in hard. Trust me I get it especially if one of you always invites the pet .
The Solution
Ask your partner to spend quality alone time with you such as Date Night. Or time with your pet closed in the other room, secured in the backyard, or in a kennel. Make sure you have regular time away from your pet at least once a week . You can also try to find a reliable pet sitter who can get your pet out of the house for hours or even an entire weekend. Staycation, anyone?
Problem #3: Your Pet is a Intimacy-Blocker
It’s great to have a pet who is cuddly and affectionate, but some pets can get overly attached to being right by your side. Pets that sleep in your bed can make it physically and mentally difficult to initiate sex. Some pets can even get protective or jealous, and can try to jump in between the two of you when you’re trying to hug or kiss. I’ve even heard stories of animals going on the attack when their owners are engaged in intimate activity YIKES! There actually was a Cat client of mine when her boyfriend spent the night and woke up with a pop tent (if you know what I mean) in the morning and her Cat attacked it. That DID NOT go over well.
The Solution
Close the door and put them in a room when you are about to get in the mood with calming music and their favorite toy. In some cases please give them a little natural calming formula like Rescue Remedy by Bach to help them relax. I love this all natural formula because it’seems mild and easy on the tummy and best of all no side effects.
Problem #4: Your Pet Cries or Whines When It’s Alone
Some pet owners close the bedroom door when they want to get down to business, only to have their pet start scratching or whining at the door. Thanks a lot guys! Nothing sets the mood quite like hearing your pet go nuts in the other room just a few feet away. That can totally crush the mood and worse cause an argument.
The solution
This happens most often with dogs, so try crate training your pooch to help it be more comfortable alone. Crate training can be rough, especially if you didn’t start early with your pup, but it’s what’s best for all of you. It’s OK to take a moment with your partner to acknowledge your frustration or sadness, but try your best to ignore what’s going on on the other side of the door. Crank up some of your favorite music if it helps! & don’t forget to give them their calming formula. Also when you’receive done immediately resume some sort of family time so that they can learn to get used to this and they are not being punished.
Problem #5: Your Pet Gives You “Judgy” Looks After You Have Sex
This is an actual complaint I have heard from multiple clients. I have a pug, so I know that pets can give some serious meaning-laden side-eye. But listen, you’re the adult in the household, and you’re going to have sex regardless of how Bella feels about it. She’ll survive trust me.
The Solution
IGNORE THEIR ATTITUDE & they will come around. When they do start acting normal go on like nothing ever happened. The more you pay attention to your pets attitudes the more they will have them.
Problem #6: Your Pet Doesn’t Like Your Partner
This is a tough one. Your pet might not be so keen on sharing your attention with someone else,yep pets can get jealous. Whether it be someone you just brought home for the night, or a serious new partner. It may retaliate by eating or destroying their clothes, growling, hissing, or even scratching or biting.
The Solution.
This is perhaps one of the most difficult situations to work with, so it might be best to bring in the assistance of a pro. I’very balanced out many, many situations like this. A trainer can teach you how to handle your pet’s jealousy or teach it that you don’t need “protecting,” and can help longer-term partners develop better relationship with your furball. My advice if you see this type of behavior is to nip it in the bud QUICKLY! The longer they get away with acting out the harder it will be to reverse.
Make sure you take these factors into consideration before making the long-term commitment to pet ownership! (That hamster sure is starting to look a lot more tempting, isn’t it?) HA HA HA! Juse a joke people lighten up will yards.
Any way if this happening in your home the best first step is always communication. This way everyone feels they have been heard and their feelings are valued. Please never give your human partner an ultimatum about your furry family member. The reason is always for your pets safety.
Last but not least BE HONEST. If something is not flowing in your human relationship fix it, get rid of it and be true to yourself. Be well everyone and let’stand make a big effort to all get along.
REMEMBER PETS RULE!
